the perfect world of miwako sumida by clarissa goenawan

Given the difficult content that’s explored in this book I was surprised that I felt almost meditative while I was reading it. Ryusei, Chie and Fumi’s stories each highlighted, through their own stories or their memories of Miwako, the pain we feel when we keep parts of ourselves hidden and how secrets can change the course of our lives. Miwako was not the only one keeping secrets.

Even though I knew from the blurb that she died by suicide I kept wanting her to reach out to one of the people who loved her, to trust them enough with the parts of herself that filled her with shame. I was sad that Miwako’s secrets weighed so heavily on her and that she never sought the support she deserved. It wasn’t until after her death that the secrets she was carrying were revealed and even then, it wasn’t an easy reveal. Miwako was quite deliberately unknowable and although this would usually frustrate me, it somehow endeared her to me even more. However, even though I saw her through the eyes of three people who knew her best, I still didn’t truly feel like I knew Miwako and I loved that about her. Her kindred spirit potential was evident to me early on, right about the time she bailed on karaoke with her friends to go to a bookstore. When I looked at her, I used to think, ‘Hey, maybe the world isn’t such a bad place.’”

“You know, she just made everything better. If you wanted to know her at all, you had to work for it. I want to tell you all about them but can’t, because spoilers. Fumi, Ryusei’s sister, was Miwako’s employer. Chie, who began her life as a “transparent girl”, was Miwako’s best friend. Her story is told by three people who each knew part of it. Maybe I could find out what, if I traced her path somehow. She’d said she wanted to tell me something.

The perfect world of miwako sumida by clarissa goenawan